Falling into Old Patterns

If you read my previous post, you know how I had an epiphany this summer. What exactly did I promise myself?

I really took away something valuable from the whole Spicoli experience: I need to stop going for the “safe” guys.  Maybe later on in my life, when I need more stability and consistency, will the safe guys be a better option for me.  For now, I need to stop getting sucked into relationships I’m not interested in just because there’s nothing wrong with the guy. I can’t get tied down, I have way too much craziness left in me! 

Guess what…. I almost fell back into the same habit!

get it together, Liz

I met this guy, let’s call him Julio, in the new city. He grew up here and knows a lot about the area and fun things to do. He also has a good job, is generally attractive, and a gentleman…. the only caveat was that he’s really short!  To sum him up in one word: SAFE.

He was a really nice guy and I enjoyed spending time with him.  The problem was that he didn’t give me butterflies. Unfortunately, it’s only in hindsight that I realized this. I was perfectly content seeing someone who I knew wasn’t right for me.  Deep down, I knew it wasn’t going to work out.  I was wasting both his and my time, just because I couldn’t find a big enough flaw to end it.  

 

So what finally brought me to my senses?  I met someone… and we had a magnetic connection.  I’m talking butterflies, giggling, nonstop smiling, the works.  After I met him, I never saw Julio again. 

On the one hand, I’m upset with myself for not recognizing how dating Julio went against the pattern I’m trying to break. If it wasn’t for meeting this new man, I may still be pursuing things with him.  If this were the case, I’d undoubtedly be miserable. On the other hand, I think that this taught me to be more aware of what I want and to really examine the feelings I have for somebody. 

Aftermath Part II

So after all of the snooping/texting/large eggplant emoji drama, things went back to normal with Robert(1) and I.  Except for the fact that he became really jealous (big surprise).  He was super needy and was accusing me of things for no reason – other than the fact that his trust in me was nonexistent.  This is normally the kind of behavior I would not put up with, but I was still feeling EXTREMELY guilty from the whole ordeal.  

 

Robert(1) and I were fighting and he was getting emotional, asking me to be his girlfriend.  On the third time this happened in 2 weeks, I agreed.  It didn’t feel real to me, as I knew I was doing it just to make him happy.  I only told one of my friends about it.

maybe it won’t have to deal with reality if I don’t tell anyone!

10 days later, we broke up.  Turns out, it doesn’t work when you agree to be in a relationship out of guilt.  The real question is——- why did I let him influence me into doing something I had no desire to do?  This is extremely out of character for me and makes me angry at myself.  

Here’s the lesson kids: Listen to your gut.

Serious Relationships in your 20’s

Hi all, 

I’ve been thinking lately: what’s the prognosis for relationships in your 20’s?

This question came to mind recently because of multiple conversations I’ve had with friends about Robert & I.  Things have been going pretty well, and we’ve been seeing each other for about 3 months – which, as one of my friends put it, “3 months is when you either gotta shit or get off the pot.”  Lovely.

This makes me uneasy. Although Robert & I have had a conversation about “what we are,” we are still in some weird limbo between being single & in a relationship.  Deep down, I know that this is for the best, but I can’t help but feel some pressure to either “shit or get off the pot” as my lovely friend put it.  I’m just having trouble finding the source of this pressure.

Do I feel like I need the label? Maybe.

Do I not want him to date anyone else? Not right now.

Do I want to date other people? Not right now, but when I move to the new city, yes. And Maverick & I still talk every day and FaceTime at least once a week, which I don’t want to give up.

Hannah, you just get me.

Another huge reason why I think this has been bothering me is other people’s reaction when I explain the situation.  I’m not one to care about what other people think, but I’m starting to feel defeated when I explain the situation to them.  A friend of mine, Rose, said to me this weekend, “Well, you know long distance could work! It definitely could work. You know, so-and-so and so-and-so do just fine!” 

no thanks.

Ehh, no.  The thought of entering into a long distance relationship while moving to a fun, new city does not appeal to me.  I want to go out and meet people, and not have to worry about someone else getting jealous or planning my night around talking to them. I also think that couples around me seem to be getting serious extremely quickly, which makes me want to jump off of a cliff. My roommate, Robin, recently started dating a great guy. He told her that she could move into his apartment with him in September…. after dating for… one week. This made me break into a cold sweat, but she didn’t really think that it was that big a deal.

Am I out of my mind here, or does the thought of settling down in a serious relationship make anyone else a little queasy?