Tag Archives: dating

Falling into Old Patterns

If you read my previous post, you know how I had an epiphany this summer. What exactly did I promise myself?

I really took away something valuable from the whole Spicoli experience: I need to stop going for the “safe” guys.  Maybe later on in my life, when I need more stability and consistency, will the safe guys be a better option for me.  For now, I need to stop getting sucked into relationships I’m not interested in just because there’s nothing wrong with the guy. I can’t get tied down, I have way too much craziness left in me! 

Guess what…. I almost fell back into the same habit!

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get it together, Liz

I met this guy, let’s call him Julio, in the new city. He grew up here and knows a lot about the area and fun things to do. He also has a good job, is generally attractive, and a gentleman…. the only caveat was that he’s really short!  To sum him up in one word: SAFE.

He was a really nice guy and I enjoyed spending time with him.  The problem was that he didn’t give me butterflies. Unfortunately, it’s only in hindsight that I realized this. I was perfectly content seeing someone who I knew wasn’t right for me.  Deep down, I knew it wasn’t going to work out.  I was wasting both his and my time, just because I couldn’t find a big enough flaw to end it.  

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So what finally brought me to my senses?  I met someone… and we had a magnetic connection.  I’m talking butterflies, giggling, nonstop smiling, the works.  After I met him, I never saw Julio again. 

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On the one hand, I’m upset with myself for not recognizing how dating Julio went against the pattern I’m trying to break. If it wasn’t for meeting this new man, I may still be pursuing things with him.  If this were the case, I’d undoubtedly be miserable. On the other hand, I think that this taught me to be more aware of what I want and to really examine the feelings I have for somebody. 

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Aftermath Part II

So after all of the snooping/texting/large eggplant emoji drama, things went back to normal with Robert(1) and I.  Except for the fact that he became really jealous (big surprise).  He was super needy and was accusing me of things for no reason – other than the fact that his trust in me was nonexistent.  This is normally the kind of behavior I would not put up with, but I was still feeling EXTREMELY guilty from the whole ordeal.  

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Robert(1) and I were fighting and he was getting emotional, asking me to be his girlfriend.  On the third time this happened in 2 weeks, I agreed.  It didn’t feel real to me, as I knew I was doing it just to make him happy.  I only told one of my friends about it.

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maybe it won’t have to deal with reality if I don’t tell anyone!

10 days later, we broke up.  Turns out, it doesn’t work when you agree to be in a relationship out of guilt.  The real question is——- why did I let him influence me into doing something I had no desire to do?  This is extremely out of character for me and makes me angry at myself.  

Here’s the lesson kids: Listen to your gut.

Liz Gets Caught

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, I’ve been trying to figure my shit out super busy! Last time I wrote, I was hanging out with Robert(2) while Robert(1) was home on vacation.  I was learning towards liking Robert(2) more but was still pretty confused about what to do about the situation.  This love triangle was a little too much – even for me!

After I wrote my last post, I had decided to break things off with Robert(1) during the drive home after I picked him up from the airport. During the week where he was away, I was super distant and short with him.  I was spending a lot of time with Robert(2) and was really into him. He knew something was up, but he didn’t know what.  Needless to say, the drive home was super awkward and silent.

When we got home, he asked me if I wanted to come in and talk.  I agreed and we finally got down to the issues.  I told him I felt like we had fallen into a rut and we shouldn’t continue things after I move to the new city. He understood where I was coming from, but told me that he was willing to try the distance (yikes). I cried, he got upset, and things were generally shitty. 

About an hour after I left, he texted me saying “come over and lay down with me one more time.” My heart felt heavy and I agreed.  This turned into drinking – a lot. 

Needless to say, I spent the night at his place and we hooked up. I left in the morning and he ended up coming over later that day.  He was acting SUPER weird but wouldn’t tell me why. Then he texted me “We really need to talk about something next time we hang out.” That night I had plans to hang out with Robert(2), but I told him I was going over my friend Lauren’s house. I had about an hour before I was supposed to go over Lauren’s Robert(2)’s house, so I told him to come over now.

When he came over, he was visibly upset. I asked him what was wrong and he said – “Is there anything you need to tell me?”  I had no idea where this was going, and said no. He then said, “Have you always been honest with me?” I told him to cut the shit and tell me what he was getting at.  He then said something that I was not expecting at all—–

“I read your texts this morning.”

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to be continued!

 

 

My date with Robert(2)

As I mentioned in my previous post, I kissed a guy I’ve had a crush on all year last weekend.  His name is also Robert, and we went out on a date last night.

I was so excited to go out on a date with Robert(2).  Being the super cool lady that I am, I watched make up tutorials on youtube all afternoon and got myself to look pretty good, if I do say so myself.

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outfit choice!

I have been on my fair share of dates, and I think I can officially say that this was the best one ever.  He showed up at my house with a single long stemmed yellow and red rose.  Swoon.  He also opened the car door for me throughout the night – kind of unnecessary, but I found it to be sweet.  The opening of the car doors and bringing me a flower on the first date were both firsts for me.

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isn’t it pretty? talk about brownie points

We drove about 45 minutes into the city and got sushi (my favorite).  Conversation flowed and I was having a great time.  We talked about everything: our childhoods, dreams for the future, favorite things, etc.

The night ended by going to an artsy bar where a jazz band was playing.  This was amazing.  I was digging the vibe and the fact that we were doing something new and different.  Robert(2) has a wonderful, outgoing personality and people gravitate towards him.   We chatted with the owners of the club, who instantly took a liking to him.

The night ended by taking a walk down to the lake by my house.  We looked at the stars and kissed.  It was truly amazing.  I AM STILL SMILING.

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This leads me to my dilemma: what about Robert(1)?  Honestly, since he’s been home for the past 4 days, I’ve been realizing all the things that I don’t like about him.  Robert(2) has a lot of qualities that I like in a person, which I realized Robert(1) doesn’t have.  These include: an interest and appreciation for the arts, being outgoing, & going out and doing things. For example, we live about 45 minutes from a small city. Robert(1) has NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE. This is unbelievable considering there isn’t anything remotely fun to do in the town we live in.

Being away from him has made me realize all the qualities that I don’t like in him. I’m going to see him in 3 days, so I guess I’ll need to make up my mind soon.  I can’t exactly have Robert(2) pick me up for a date when Robert(1) is living across the street….!

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…. or can I?

Oh, how things can change in a week….

The last time I posted was one week ago.  Things were going great in the Robert department and there were no other prospects in my dating life.

All that has changed!

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this week makes my head hurt.

Last Saturday night, my roommates and I threw a party at my house.  Robert was unable to attend, as he flew home for a week to be with his family.  I got prettyyyy tipsy from the margaritas I was drinking and was having a blast.

Side (but relevant note): Two weeks ago, my roommate told me that a guy in another graduate program thought that I was cute.  His name is also Robert (my life is funny like that).  Robert(2) is super attractive, confident, is an amazing public speaker, and is getting his PhD.  I was shocked to learn that he was attracted to me, but extremely flattered none the less.  I kind of forgot about it.

Back to the party – Robert(2) and I started talking.  My roommate, Robin, was extremely drunk and kept making things awkward between Robert(2) and I – you know, the forced “Oh hey, have you talked to Liz?”  I was totally embarrassed by her antics, but also super thankful because Robert(2) appeared to be really nervous to talk to me.

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thanks, girl!

Anywayz, the night progressed and I ended up not-so-subtlety inviting Robert(2) to my room. We kissed and I was in heaven. Unfortunately, he had to leave to go to a friend’s bachelor party, and asked me for my number, promising to hang out soon. 

My ex-girlfriend, Scarlett, (not crazy Evelyn) was also present with her current flame. Her and I dated 4 years ago and maintain a close friendship.  But, it’s not strictly platonic – there’s definitely a lot of sexual tension between us.  We ended up kissing for approximately 2 seconds while the girl she is seeing was moving her car.  Whoopsssss

All in all, the night was a success.  Kissed two people, have a lot of fun, ate a lot of good food.  What more could a girl ask for?

Is Honesty Really the Best Policy?

Things have been pretty great with Robert & I.  However, we recently had a conversation where I kind of… lied. A lot.

pinocchio

Ok, so here’s what happened.  Robert was very intoxicated and I was sober.  He told me that I could ask him anything & he would answer honestly.  I love a challenge, so I bet him I could ask him something that he wouldn’t want to answer.  So what did I ask him?

“So— how many people have you slept with?”

gasp!

gasp!

Too much, too soon??  For the record, HE challenged ME.  Plus, this was obviously the perfect opportunity to ask this question without overstepping my boundaries (plus, I got to take advantage of the fact that he was waaaasted).

He nervously laughed a little and told me his number.  I was surprised to learn that his is  less than mine.  Approximately 7 people less than mine.  Now, I’m not proud of my number, but I’m not exactly ashamed of it either.  However, I am fully aware of the fragile male ego and how this information could make him feel.

So I decided to lie.  I told him that my number was one more than his.  I thought that this was a fair compromise since in reality, it was way more.

So the conversation keep going & he started asking me more graphic sex questions.

And I kept on lying.

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mmhm.

Was I in the wrong here?  I know people lie about this thing all the time, but I still can’t help but feel a little guilty.  Especially because I really think that he was telling the truth the whole time.  If he ever found out, it would hurt him a lot & would damage his trust in me (obviously).  However, if I had answered these questions honestly, I think he would have been extremely turned off and definitely would have changed his opinion of me.  In fact, he told me that the thought of being with a girl with more partners than him used to really turn him off.  He’s since changed his opinion a little bit, but I definitely think my number being way more than his would be bad news.

Lose. Lose.

Any thoughts here?

 

 

Maverick: Part Deux

Fast forward to 2011. Maverick & I had stopped seeing each other, because I had a boyfriend.  I broke up with this boyfriend, and we started to hook up once in a while.  Then he got a “girlfriend,” who I will appropriately call Mary.

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They were a terrible match. I am not just saying that because I am biased. No one understood why they were together.  On top of them being a bad match, he was leaving to move over 1000 miles away 3 months after graduation.  He is not the kind of person to make a strong commitment, so everyone was waiting for him to eventually dump her.

On graduation night, Maverick called me and asked if he could come over before we went out to the bar with all of our friends.  I said yes, and he helped my mom and I move my stuff out of my house.  After my mom left, we started drinking gin on the rocks & doing a puzzle.  Maybe not the most romantic start to the night, but hey, we’re not conventional in many ways.

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romantic, right?

The sexual tension was palpable. He slowly started inching closer to me and our arms were eventually touching. He kissed me & that led to him carrying me into my bedroom.

We got closer and closer when he moved away.  He was still technically with his “girlfriend,” although he told me many times how he wanted to break up with her.

One night when he was drunk, he told me how he wanted to give us a try. It was super sweet and made a lot of sense, although it this conversation was had at 4am. I completely fell for it and believed that we were together, even though he was still technically with Mary.

The next day he didn’t address it. So I proceeded to get drunk in order to work up the courage to talk to him about this. He eventually said how he did wish that we could be together, but with the distance, it wouldn’t work. I understood, although I was let down.  I then proceeded to tell him he needed to break up with Mary regardless, and he agreed. 

This was the start to the most confusing 2 years of my life. 

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mixed signals are a bitch.