Letting go, moving on

Hi all! It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written on this blog even though I resolved that I would. As I mentioned in my most previous posts, I got out of a 1.5 year relationship and have started a new one with a great guy. While things are going absolutely amazing in my love life now, it took a loooooong time for me to get to this happy place.

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One of the reasons the breakup with my ex was so difficult was because we shared a friend group. I met ex only 3 months after moving to the new city, and his friends were pretty much the only friends I had. Once we broke up, I was extremely anxious about our shared friend situation. How would he act when we were out together?  Would he bring girls around? Would I stop getting invited places? Who else was I going to hang out with if everyone stopped hanging out with me?  I constantly had a huge knot in my stomach thinking about all the possible answers to these questions.

What happened was that my ex avoided going anywhere I was going to be. I was really shocked by how out of his way he went in order to avoid me. For example, at our mutual friend’s birthday celebration 2 weeks after we broke up, he came out to the area where we were (with a girl of course) but did not come hang out with the group. It’s now been 1 year since we’ve broken up and I’ve only seen him twice.

At first, I was super upset about how he avoided me at all costs. He was once the most important person in my life, and now he couldn’t even stand to be anywhere I was. I tried texting him twice- the first time, he just said that he had no interest in rehashing things but that maybe we could talk in the future. The second time I texted him he didn’t respond. So I didn’t contact him again. But it killed me. How could he suddenly stop caring about me? WHY did he stop caring? Even though it’s best for us to not be in a relationship, I still cared about him and how he was doing. I’ve never had a breakup where me and the person never talked again. It felt like a slap in the face. I doubted if he ever cared about me at all.

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In retrospect, I guess going “cold turkey” with having no contact made the breakup easier. There was no back-and-forth, no guessing how he felt… he was completely done, no question about it. I had to accept that fact and move on. This was SO hard. Even made harder by having to hear about him through the some of our mutual friends. It was extremely difficult to talk to my friends about the breakup since they didn’t want to be in the middle of it all. I became so anxious that I had to see a therapist. The therapist helped me cope with the situation and also gave me an unbiased person to talk to. I’m thankful that I reached out to a professional because the anxiety was overwhelming at times. The constant stomach-flip feeling slowly started to dissipate. Moving on was hard, but after therapy, I slowly started feeling like I was on the right track.

Until next time,

Liz

 

 

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